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JESUS CHRIST VAMPIRE HUNTER
This no-budgeter from 2001 shows how far a completely
outrageous premise can take a film. As the title suggests, it's pretty
ludicrous, and not a little rough around the edges. Still, I find this film
extremely difficult not to like--it is certainly the finest
Jesus-Christ-battles-vampires horror/comedy/musical from Ottawa, Canada ever
made, although I think it goes without saying that if you're a devout Christian
you will probably NOT like JESUS CHRIST VAMPIRE HUNTER!
The Package
Who's responsible for this crazy flick? Some nutty
Canadians who were essentially making a feature length installment of their
HAIRY KNUCKLES series of kung fu movie parodies (no, I haven't seen any of them,
although a lengthy trailer for one is included on the JESUS CHRIST VAMPIRE
HUNTER DVD). The title was apparently conceived first, with the idea that a
name like, say, JESUS CHRIST VAMPIRE HUNTER would entice viewers (in this case
they were right). It stars Phil Caracas, Harry Knuckles himself, as Jesus
Christ, and it's a safe bet that much of the kung fu stunt work (among the most
inept you'll ever see) was copied from the earlier films. Also notable is the
extremely catchy theme song ("He came from Heaven/two stakes in his hand/to
slay the vampires/and free the land!").
For those of you who don't know, Jesus Christ, who
should need no introduction, isn't this film's only icon: the masked wrestler El
Santo, a facsimile of whom shows up in the third act, was a heavyset Mexican
wrestling superstar who made over 100 films in his native land. Mexican
wrestlers don't take off their masks in public unless they lose a fight; since
El Santo never lost, he never removed his mask and, upon his death in the
eighties, was buried wearing it. This film, needless to say, pretty much
ignores the reality of Santo's passing, and the fact that he didn't speak
English!
The Story
Jesus Christ is in the midst of his Second Coming, but
finds himself in a life-or-death battle with a band of lesbian vampires bent on
taking over the world! After kicking lots of ass on a beach, J.C. enters the
city of Ottawa for a goofy musical number together with a dozen or so adherents
and then takes up with a cute biker chick who gets him a "hip" wardrobe, a butch
haircut and ear piercing. Unfortunately, the girl is vampirized in a subsequent
vampire mash.
Despondent, J.C. is
contacted by the Big G through a bowl of talking cherries ("Oh it's you, Dad!"),
resulting in a trip to Mexico to enlist the help of the masked wrestler El
Santo. Together they take on the vampire army with renewed vigor, finally
conquering their foes in a massive (sort of) junkyard brawl.
The Direction
The budget was evidently REALLY low and the
story too-often revels in cutesy,
ROCKY HORROR-style forced outrageousness (a
newspaper headline in one scene reads "NCC REPORTS CRITICAL LESBIAN SHORTAGE"),
but what director Lee Gordon Demarbre has on his side is a great deal of
energy. Even when the script flags, the film is fast moving, inventive and
always watchable. Demarbre also has fun with his low budget, inserting
hilariously cheesy stop motion and puppetry FX work where appropriate, and much
copious gore (from the DVD box: "The Power of Christ Impales You!").
The washed out film stock
often looks like somebody wiped their ass with it (which, in Demarbre's defense,
does give it something of the feel of a seventies exploitation picture, which is
most likely what he was trying for) and the sound rarely ever seems in sync with
the action. As the filmmakers repeatedly boast on the commentary track, booze
was clearly an extremely copious commodity on this set!
Vital Statistics
JESUS CHRIST VAMPIRE HUNTER
Odessa Film Works, Inc.
Director/Cinematographer/Editor: Lee Gordon Demarbre
Producer/Screenwriter: Ian Driscoll
Cast: Phil Caracas, Murielle Varhelyi, Maria Moulton, Ian Driscoll, Josh Grace,
Tim Devries, Jeff Moffet