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Is It Just Me or Do These Movies Suck?
Here I'd like to take the opportunity to take some potshots at a number
of horror's sacred cows. I mentioned in a
past column how loyal horror
fans are to their favorite directors--a laudable credo, to be sure, but
it can be taken too far. Just look at the following list of
overrated sell-outs.
The most depressing thing about these filmmakers is that they comprise
the key players on the horror scene. Yes, there are two noted
exceptions, but only two. Am I biting the hand that feeds me? I
sure hope so. Let's take a look at horror's dirty dozen, and as we do
so, consider many of the following titles and consider, is it just me,
or do these movies suck?
DARIO ARGENTO
One of the most
influential filmmakers of any genre, Argento made some truly
one-of-a-kind films in his day, and early works like DEEP RED, SUSPERIA,
INFERNO, TENEBRAE and OPERA are rightfully considered classics of the
horror film. Unfortunately, the law of diminishing returns appears to
have set in big time, starting with the disappointing TRAUMA in 1993,
continuing with the even-worse STENDAHL SYNDROME and climaxing with the
plain awful PHANTOM OF THE OPERA. Whew! I'm told his latest
film SLEEPLESS is a bit better, but, based on Argento's last three turds,
I'm reluctant to view it.
JOHN CARPENTER
Carpenter seems to have
played himself out, a situation that depresses me greatly, as he was one
of my all-time favorites. Adept not merely at horror (HALLOWEEN), but
also comedy (DARK STAR), action (ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13), sci fi (ESCAPE
FROM NEW YORK, THE THING), fantasy (BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA) and
even romance (STARMAN), John Carpenter, it seemed, could do no wrong.
Signs of decline, however, were evident in 1987's PRINCE OF DARKNESS and
the next year's THEY LIVE, flawed but interesting movies that, as it
turned out, were to be his last hurrahs. From there it was a long,
painful slide through the likes of MEMOIRS OF AN INVISIBLE MAN, IN THE
MOUTH OF MADNESS (one of the most overrated horror films ever, IMO) and
VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED. Of his recent films, only 1996's ESCAPE FROM LA
showed a glimmer of life, but still suffered from the indifferent
scripting, poorly choreographed action sequences, stilted acting and
lousy special effects that have crippled VAMPIRES and GHOSTS OF MARS,
both of which were touted as Carpenter's "comeback." Comedown is
more like it!
WES CRAVEN
Wes Craven has always been a very erratic
filmmaker. His premiere efforts,
THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT and
THE
HILLS HAVE EYES, are among the key modern horror films, but his next
good movie, the original NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET, wasn't until nearly
ten years later. Maybe you buy into the argument that Wes' shallow,
trendy SCREAM trilogy "breathed new life" into the genre (I sure
don't!). Fine, but how do you account for THE HILLS HAVE EYES 2,
SHOCKER, THE SERPENT AND THE RAINBOW, THE PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS, WES
CRAVEN'S NEW NIGHTMARE, A VAMPIRE IN BROOKLYN, MUSIC OF THE HEART, or
the abominable CARNIVAL OF SOULS remake Craven so enthusiastically leant
his name to?
DAVID CRONENBERG
One of the two admitted
wild cards in the pack. Although it's looked at times like he might
lose his balance (M. BUTTERFLY, anyone?), Canada's foremost
horrormeister remains just as vital and original as he did back in 1972,
when his debut film SHIVERS turned the genre on its ear. 1996's
CRASH
was one of his best films IMO, and 1998's eXistenZ, while not as good,
was still lots of gooey fun, a film that could only have been
made by the one and only David Cronenberg. I was worried for a while,
when it looked as if he might lend his talents to BASIC INSTINCT 2, but
the project thankfully fell apart, and DC is now adapting Patrick
McGrath's superb novel SPIDER.
BRIAN DePALMA
Brian DePalma is one of
the most brilliant visual stylists on the scene, a talent he's retained
in recent films like SNAKE EYES and MISSION TO MARS. Unfortunately, he
seems to have lost all interest in things like content and
characterization. His 1992 thriller RAISING CAIN, for instance, showed
great visual flair (of course!) and had a structure as radical and
unprecedented as PULP FICTION'S, but its hopelessly vapid characters
were a far cry from Angie Dickinson's sexually frustrated housewife in
DRESSED TO KILL or John Travolta's overly inquisitive sound man in BLOW
OUT, people we cared about because they were so well fleshed out and
convincing. Alas, I didn't notice many of those in SNAKE EYES or
MISSION TO MARS.
STUART GORDON
Stuart Gordon's
H.P. Lovecraft adaptation RE-ANIMATOR was THE horror movie of the
eighties: smart, stylish, stunningly gory, and boasting a cheerful
willingness to go way over the top. He followed with
FROM BEYOND
and DOLLS, two more rock-solid thrillers, and even managed, in 1993's
Christopher Lambert headliner FORTRESS, to fashion a crackling B-movie
from unpromising material. Unfortunately, the lame
CASTLE FREAK was
next, followed by the even worse SPACE TRUCKERS and THE (not so)
WONDERFUL ICE CREAM SUIT. His latest film, the Spanish production
DAGON, is a return to the Lovecraft-based hard core horror that made his
name. It has yet to be released in the US; I'm willing to give it the
benefit of the doubt, but early reviews have NOT been promising.
TOBE HOOPER
There's nothing to be
said here, really. Everybody seems to know that Tobe Hooper made one of
the all time great horror movies, THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, and then
went downhill--and FAST--with a seemingly unending string of shitty
movies. Hooper's undiminished fan base is, however, a perfect example
of the undying loyalty of the horror movie fanatic: I'm always hearing
about some upcoming project that's supposed to break his losing streak.
At one time it was LIFEFORCE. Then it was SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION. Then
THE MANGLER. For my views on those flicks, take another look at
the title of this article.
PETER JACKSON
The late-80's answer to
John Carpenter, Peter Jackson was the demented Kiwi genius who
single-handedly put New Zealand genre cinema on the map with freaky
flicks like BAD TASTE, MEET THE FEEBLES, BRAINDEAD (a.k.a. DEAD ALIVE),
HEAVENLY CREATURES and FORGOTTEN SILVER. All are outrageous, original
and, with the exception of FORGOTTEN SILVER (a hilarious mock
documentary, though not a horror movie), unapologetically
gruesome entertainments, with nary a loser in the bunch. All that
changed with the release of Jackson's mega-budgeted Michael J. Fox
noise-maker THE FRIGHTENERS, an obnoxious GHOSTBUSTERS wannabe that fell
into every conceivable big budget Hollywood trap. And I know many of
you think it's the greatest movie ever, but I found THE LORD OF THE
RINGS to be an insufferable bore, quite possibly the longest three hours
of my life--and to think, there are two more of these films on
the way!
DAVID LYNCH
Along with the other
David (Cronenberg, that is), Mr. Lynch is the only director on the list
who's retained his integrity. His trick is the way he's managed to stay
so uncompromisingly true to himself, even with his 1999 G-rated Disney
movie THE STRAIGHT STORY, which worked because, even in its most mawkish
moments, it was so, well, Lynchian. True, it did look for a
while, in the early 90's to be exact, that Lynch was on his way to
becoming a parody of himself in the manner of Carpenter or DePalma (try
watching an episode of Lynch's failed sitcom ON THE AIR if you don't
believe me), but he's since bounced back, and remains at the head of the
class.
ROMAN POLANSKI
Perhaps I'm wrong in
putting Polanski on a list of horror movie directors, but the fact is,
his best films (REPULSION, ROSEMARY'S BABY,
THE TENANT) fit firmly into the genre, and even ostensible mainstream
works like A KNIFE IN THE WATER, CUL DE SAC, MACBETH, FRANTIC and
CHINATOWN contain their share of horrific elements. All of those,
furthermore, are good if not great movies. 1985's PIRATES, on the other
hand, is most definitely not. Neither is 1994's DEATH AND THE MAIDEN (a
film I'd put into the "okay" category). I got a kick out of his 1992
sex opus BITTER MOON, but I fear I enjoyed it for the wrong
reasons--which is to say, I don't think it was intended to be so
funny! In any event, his latest film, the interminable NINTH GATE,
is most definitely a horror movie...and arguably his worst ever.
SAM RAIMI
The textbook example of
what can happen when a low budget horror moviemaker goes mainstream.
Raimi's 1981 no-budgeter THE EVIL DEAD and its 1986 sequel remain two of
the most influential horror films ever made, but what else has he done?
His would-be comedy CRIMEWAVE is better left unseen, while DARKMAN to me
was silly and overwrought, and I found even less to like in his Sharon
Stone comedy western THE QUICK AND THE DEAD. ARMY OF DARKNESS, the
third EVIL DEAD movie, exists in a number of different versions--and the
one I've seen sucks. Alright, Sam did turn out the excellent A
SIMPLE PLAN in 1997, but his most recent film THE GIFT, an attempt to
return to his horror movie roots before the big budget bloat of his
upcoming SPIDERMAN, is plain mediocre. Furthermore, I don't know if
I'll ever be able to forgive Sam for his Kevin Costner baseball turd FOR
THE LOVE OF THE GAME. I'll have to concede, though, that those
SPIDERMAN trailers look pretty damn cool...
GEORGE ROMERO
Yes, I'm aware that
George Romero's seminal NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD set the standard for
modern horror, but I also know he hasn't made a good movie in nearly 20
years. DAWN OF THE DEAD and MARTIN were fitting follow-ups to NOTLD--and
THE CRAZIES and CREEPSHOW were enjoyable enough--but
DAY OF THE DEAD,
MONKEY SHINES, the first part of
TWO EVIL EYES, THE DARK HALF and
BRUISER just don't cut it, particularly from such a (once) auspicious
filmmaker.
So tell me: Are these the masters of modern
horror? I don't think so. With the exceptions of Lynch and Cronenberg,
it seems that the above filmmakers have all long since worn themselves
out. The same thing seems to have afflicted lesser icons like Larry
Cohen, Clive Barker,
Ruggero Deodato, Lamberto Bava,
Paul Verhoeven,
Buddy Giovinazzo,
Bob Clark,
Jean Rollin and Ulli Lommell. In the
horror genre, Federico Fellini's claim that a film director has a shelf
life of just 10-15 years seems to be a dreary reality. Do these
filmmakers, regardless of their past work, really deserve our continued
devotion when they persist in churning out such lousy movies?
It's time to move on to a new generation of promising filmmakers.
European and Asian whippersnappers like Shinya Tsukamoto (TOKYO FIST),
Guillermo Del Toro (THE DEVIL'S BACKBONE), Nacho Cerda (AFTERMATH),
Michael Haneke (THE PIANO TEACHER), Takashi Miike (AUDITION) and Kiyoshi
Kurosawa (CURE) have helped to keep the horror tradition alive overseas,
while guys like David Fincher (SE7EN), E. Elias Merhige (BEGOTTEN), Guy Maddin (TALES FROM THE GIMLI HOSPITAL) and Jim VanBebber (is his
CHARLIE'S FAMILY ever gonna be released???) are keeping the faith
here in North America. These fresh and vital filmmakers are the ones we
need to pay attention to, as the old guard has definitely passed on.
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