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THE GARBAGE PAIL KIDS MOVIE
Yes, this is it: the 1987 Hollywood flop based on the
Garbage Pail Kids stickers from the eighties. Ostensibly a family film (yeah,
right!), it's actually a gross, slimy, colossally inept spectacle suitable
ONLY for die-hard eighties nostalgists.
The Package
Those who (like me) came of age in the late
eighties should have no trouble remembering The Garbage Pail Kids series
of Topps stickers, inducted in 1986, which came in packets of 3-4 cards along
with a stick of chewing gum. A sick joke on the popular Cabbage Patch Kids
dolls, the GPKs were freakish, deformed creatures with names like Disgustin'
Justin, Joe Blow, Greaser Greg and Valerie Vomit.
The Garbage Pail Kids were a huge hit with
kiddies and drew just as much ire from moral watchdog groups, which only
increased their popularity. A movie, headlined by the veteran English
actor/singer Anthony Newley and C-list teen heartthrob Mackenzie Austin (then a
regular on THE FACTS OF LIFE), was immediately put into production by the now
defunct Atlantic Entertainment Group. Unfortunately for us, this was
what resulted.
The Story
Dodger, a skinny dork, works for the "magical"
Cap'n Mancini, an antique storeowner with a suspicious garbage pail in his
basement. When Dodger accidentally overturns the pail, a greenish goo oozes out
which formulates itself into seven Garbage Pail Kids (actually dwarfs in trashy
costumes): Valerie Vomit, Ali Gator, Greaser Greg, Nat Nerd, Windy Winston,
Messy Tessie and Foul Phil, all named after their various afflictions.
It seems that Dodger has a thing for Tangerine, a
frizzy-haired hottie who makes and sells clothes for a living, but has NO
interest in him; her boyfriend is a psycho who wears too much eye makeup and
spends his days beating Dodger up. But when the Garbage Pail Kids design a
Napoleon suit for Dodger to wear that's supposed to make him look cool (it
doesn't), Tangerine suddenly sees Dodger in a different light. In an example of
eighties-think at its most corrosive, she presses him into service making
clothes for her by coming onto him, and he cracks the whip on his "friends" the
Garbage Pail Kids to produce clothing (there's a word for this: sweatshop.
It all comes down to a fashion show run by corrupt
snobs. In the meantime the GPKs escape from the confines of the Cap'n's
basement, terrorize a bar and movie theater, and eventually get themselves
locked in a cage at a zoo for ugly people, with the label "TOO GROSS" plastered
across the bars. Not to worry, though, because Dodger has solicited the help of
a gang of bikers who break ëem out, allowing the GPKs to crash the fashion show
and deal with its corrupt patrons in various uncouth ways: Windy Winston farts
into the crowd, Valerie Vomit pukes on one of them, etc.
The Direction
The man responsible for this mess was the veteran
TV director Rod Amateau, who also produced and co-wrote the script. Despite his
roots in 50's television, Amateau managed to craft a film that was nothing if
not trendy: the cheesy lighting and even cheesier synthesizer music are
quintessentially eighties elements, and go well with the "hip" clothing and
hair.
Far less enchanting are the indifferent acting, third
grade humor and complete lack of forward momentum (the climactic breakout has
all the nail biting suspense of THE HOURS played in slow motion)...and Amateau
furthermore never misses a chance for gratuitous farting, nose picking or
puking.
Then again, though, we'd be insane to expect too much
from this film--it is THE GARBAGE PAIL KIDS MOVIE!
Vital Statistics
THE GARBAGE PAIL KIDS MOVIE
Atlantic Releasing Group
Director: Rod Amateau
Producer: Rod Amateau
Screenplay: Melinda Palmer, Rod Amateau
Cinematography: Harvey Genkins
Editor: Leon Carrere, M. Edward Salier
Cast: Anthony Newley, Mackenzie Astin, Katie Barberi, Ron MacLachlan, J.P.
Amateau, Marjory Graue, Debbie Lee Carrington, Kevin Thompson, Phil Fondacaro,
Larry Green, Arturo Gil, Susan Rossitto, Bobby Bell, Chloe Amateau, Jim
Cummings, Teri Benaron